Kiss This
by obsessedwithstabler
Summary: Kiss this, and I don't mean on my rosy red lips!


Okay, this is just a light and airy songfic about Alex and her cheating husband... And I know that she would never put up with a cheating man, but this just begged to be written, so I did! The song I used is Aaron Tippin's Kiss This, and I think it fits Alex perfectly. This story is rated T for language and partner molestation (though I don't think the partner minded it too much). So enjoy, and please remember to review!

Disclaimer: They're not mine. At least that's what my therapist says. I'm getting a fourth opinion...

This songfic is dedicated to fanciful geek, who helped me write this in under forty five minutes, gave me a lot of ideas, and overall loved it! Thanks, chicky!

The bar was brightly lit and reasonably airy, two facts that made Alex Eames madder than she already was. Two empty shot glasses sat in front of her, and her partner sat to her right, attempting in his own awkward way to console her. But she was having none of it.

She downed another shot of whiskey, wondering where everything had gone wrong. She had been the ideal wife, making sure that the house was clean and dinner was on the table at the same time every night. She had been faithful, loving, loyal. Joe wanted for nothing. So why had she found him in the arms of a woman nearly half his age?

"Eames, you- don't turn around," Bobby whispered in her ear, and out of instinct, she turned to the door, her hand tightening around the shot glass as the door swung open. Joe swaggered in, garnering the attention of every female there in the bar, and Eames was seeing red when he smiled silkily at her and mouthed I love you.

_She was a woman on a mission _

_Here to drown him and forget him _

_So I set her up again to wash him down _

_She had just about succeeded _

_When that low down, no good, cheating _

_Good for nothing came strutting through the crowd_

She felt her partner's large hand on her thigh, and she knew that the gesture was one of protection and comfort, not of possession and sexual dominance. She turned back to the bar and continued to nurse her whiskey, seemingly calm until Joe sat down beside her, ordered a drink, and put his arm around her waist.

_Uh oh_, Bobby thought as Alex stiffened under his hand. _Wrong move, pal_. None of them had any idea of what was to come.

"Hey, darling," Joe drawled, kissing Alex's forehead. To Bobby's surprise, she smiled at him, but he knew that smile all too well...

Alex suddenly rose to her feet, and the bar was silent as everyone turned to watch the diminutive woman. She smiled again at Joe, and he smiled shakily at her, saying, "I love you, sweetheart, and I want you to come back home. I'm sorry."

"Sorry? You're sorry?" she said sweetly through her gritted teeth, and Joe flashed her a brilliant, self confident grin.

She cocked her head to the side, a move that she had picked up from years of working with Bobby, placed her hands on her hips, and looked Joe up and down. "So I guess you think we're just going to kiss and make up, don't you?" she purred, her voice dripping with honey.

Bobby smirked as Joe nodded and rose to his feet, placing his hands on Alex's hips.

The crowd cheered when she shoved his hands off of her, and she shoved her finger into his chest, forcing him to take a step backwards.

_He was laying it on so thick _

_He never missed a lick _

_Professing his never ending love _

_Oh, but I never will forget _

_When she stood up and said _

_"So I guess you think we're just gonna _

_Kiss and make up don't you?" _

_That's what she said_

_Why don't you kiss and kiss this _

_And I don't mean on my rosy red lips _

_Me and you? We're through _

_And there's only one thing left for you to do _

_You just come on over here one last time _

_Pucker up and close your eyes _

_And kiss this goodbye_

Bobby looked up again, and Alex had Joe pinned against a wall, her finger in his face and her mouth letting loose a long string of adjectives that would make a sailor blush with shame.

"You lying, cheating sonofabitch!" she snarled, and Joe's face drained of color. "What, you didn't think that I'd find out? Well, guess what, you bastard? I did!" She shoved him with all of the fury in her five foot four inch frame, and by now, a crowd had gathered around to watch him pay for his every wrongdoing, tryst, affair and sin. She called him every name she could think of, called him on every late night phone call, every meeting, and every supposed activity that he had ever attended.

_Well the next thing I recall _

_She had him backed against the wall _

_Chewing him like a bulldog on a bone _

_She was putting him in his place _

_And I mean right up in his face _

_Dragging him down the list of done me wrongs_

He looked like a trapped rat, Bobby mused with a grin, and Alex continued to scream at him, naming every girl that she had found the name of in his address book, and wondering why in the hell she had stayed with him through this bull.

She took a breath, and the crowd seemed like it was going to disperse, since she looked like she was finished. But then she slapped him dead in the face and continued to curse him for even daring to show up at the bar she was drinking in.

"You're just a lying, conniving snake, you asshole! My partner-" She motioned her hand in Bobby's direction, and the entire crowd turned their heads to look. "Is more of a man than you could ever dream of being!" An idea rose in her mind, and a coy smile crossed her lips. "In fact, he's not just a great man in the interrogation room..." The crowd leaned in closer. "The rumors aren't too far from the truth. He knows how to take care of a woman."

The crowd oohed, and Joe's fists balled at his side.

Bobby just sat there on his stool with a shocked look on his face. Alex looked at him, then at Joe again, and she ran her tongue over her bottom lip. Suddenly she walked back to the bar, sat in her partner's lap, then slanted her mouth over his as she ran her fingers through his hair.

For a moment, Bobby just sat there in complete and utter shock. But when Alex's hand came to rest on his hip, he closed his eyes and deepened the kiss. After a few moments, she pulled away and climbed out of his lap, winking at him before she strolled up to Joe.

"See?" she smirked, shoving Joe back against the wall.

_It was just about now _

_That the crowd gathered around _

_They'd come to watch him pay for his every sin _

_She called him everything under the sun _

_And when they thought that she was done _

_She reared back, and she let him have it again, man!_

"So we're over," she stated casually, looking at her nails with a bored expression on her pretty face. "And there's really only one thing you can do right now, Joe."

"What's that?" he asked, and she smirked and tilted her head upwards.

"One last kiss," she answered, closing her eyes and puckering her lips. He looked at her suspiciously, then leaned down to kiss her.

She could feel his hot breath on her face, and when she felt his lips come close to hers, she balled up her fist, then reared back and hit him dead in the mouth.

The blow sent him to the floor, and the crowd cheered as Alex rubbed her knuckles.

_Why don't you kiss and kiss this _

_And I don't mean on my rosy red lips _

_Me and you? We're through _

_And there's only one thing left for you to do _

_You just come on over here one last time _

_Pucker up and close your eyes _

_And kiss this_

_And kiss and kiss this _

_And I don't mean on my rosy red lips _

_Me and you? We're through _

_And there's only one thing left for you to do _

_You just come on over here one last time _

_Pucker up and close your eyes _

_And kiss this goodbye _

_And kiss this goodbye_

Bobby came up behind her, still in shock of their kiss, and she turned around to face him, a small, self satisfied smirk on her features. But before she could say a word, Bobby wrapped his arms around her and kissed her, and she moaned as she sank into his arms.

The crowd cheered, and she took Bobby's hand and said, "Let's get out of here."

He nodded, then looked back at Joe, who was picking himself up off of the floor and nursing a busted lip. Looking fondly at his diminutive partner, he brushed her hair out of her face and said, "Remind me to never make you mad."

She just laughed and kissed him again, and they walked out of the bar and into the sunlight, finally ready to give them a try.

The End

A/N: Okay, so what'd ya'll think? I hope everyone had fun reading it, and now I'm off to continue to try and accomplish my goal of TOTAL WORLD DOMINATION!! MWAHAHAHA!! (laughs maniacally, lightning appears in middle of day) Or total fanfic domination (shrugs) Ya know, whichever...


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